What to expect after awhile

Many of you have asked how I am doing two years later. I look fine but inside I am not. I am angry, I am sad. I am back in therapy trying to deal with everything. My marriage is not fabulous, I yell everyday, I have no libido but I am alive!

I should be grateful but there are so many of us that have these feelings. We feel alone, depressed, sad...why did this happen to me? Why am I alive while someone else has died? We have survivors remorse.

Every bump and bruise I have to go get checked because I don't know if it means it has come back. I'm a hyperchondriac which I was not before. I wear a medical alert bracelet on my left wrist to tell an emergency personal I can't have needles or blood pressure on my left arm.

As for my libido, I have tried Replens, Revaree, even Estradriol cream (prescribed by my doctor). My OBGYN told me to get off of it because of my blood clot. If I didn't have the blood clot she would have been okay with it as it is a low dose. Will it ever come back? I don't know. My husband sure wishes it did but I'll be honest I was losing it before cancer came along. My hormones were screwed up way before because I was on anti-depressants meds years ago. I have heard about the Mona Lisa procedure and I may look into it as it can help with vaginal dryness and painful sex. Check out this article by clicking on the link.

I now have to really watch what I eat as I had high cholesterol...thanks to the cancer meds. After 6 months I now have it back under control. I am working with a nutritionist, trying to stay away from sweets every day and paying attention to ingredients such as which soy is good for me and which is bad. I am working out even if it's 10-20 minutes a day and once it gets cooler here in AZ I plan on getting back outside and walking again.

I need to learn to love myself again and I'm working on it. What are you doing for yourself? Are you in therapy? Have you changed anything in your life?